Therapy is a creative fascinating tedious horrible amazing process of self-re-discovery. Recently I had a chance to review my teenage poetry and whoa… Turns out I took some of it extra-super-duper-seriously! For example, my earliest English-language attempts at rhyming set an emotional tone for my adult life. Written during the 1995-96 high school year, I recall thinking it was fuckin’ genius. Its angst-ridden emotional intensities served as a protective shield against my constrictive realities in hostile environments. There was a four-liner: “I find myself in the middle of a hell knows what / supposedly, it’s a melting pot / but I feel more as a fish bone / stuck in the middle of a fruit salad bowl” 🙂 That’s pretty descriptive and somewhat witty. However, the poem below became my exhausting leitmotif, a personal doomsday prophecy, an emotional poison turning all experiences and encounters into a series of existential threats, challenges and tests. I present you the Author and his self-fulfilling Scenario.
One day I know I will meet with the Storm…
Staying on the beach when everyone is gone,
When the waves collapse in horror,
When the wild winds take things under control,
When there are no limits and no time,
When the nature’s naked on her knees,
I will stand and scream into the broken sky:
“Now I know because I live…” 1995-96
Twenty years later I recognize and honor the compensatory heroics therein but as a lifestyle that shit’s gotta be gone… So I set out to dialogically revise the text. Here is my more adequately adjusted re-poem 🙂
Someday you might meet with a storm.
Y’all might be together or you might be alone.
Nature’s fury can leave us in awe;
But it means you no harm, it’s just cleaning its home.
Sometimes you might feel very small,
Lost and helpless and that’s always hard!
But don’t let your fear stop you.
Stopping your fear is where life’s fun part starts… 2015
This re-poem was composed at the Reno River in Bologna, Italy. Both versions were hand-written on a single sheet of paper which was then torn into tiny pieces and set free downstream in a renewal ritual.
When was the last time you reviewed your childhood/teen dreams, poems, drawings, mementos? They could provide tremendous insights into a way your life has been shaped thus far. You may also have a chance to re-imagine yourself! I encourage you to air out those Archives… When you do, feel free to share your re-discoveries with me! firstname.lastname@example.org or facebook.com/alexeytimbul